Straight Outta The Sarcophagus: Tom Cruise Resurrects The Mummy

At nearly 55 years old, Tom Cruise is remarkably well-preserved. Still, he doesn’t get to play the title character in the Dark Universe’s expansion of The Mummy franchise. That role goes to Sofia Boutella (Star Trek: Beyond).

As the newly resurrected Ahmanet, Boutella’s undead Egyptian princess screams bloody murder, whips up impromptu sandstorms, and French kisses the life out of anyone within rotted arm’s reach (this is not as sexy as it sounds—mummies don’t look super hot when they’re fresh out of the sarcophagus).

Blame the curse of the patriarchy for sending Ahmanet on her murderous rampage, the repercussions of which reach from ancient Egypt to modern-day England (tell us about it). It all culminates in a Betty-versus-Veronica standoff between good and evil, blonde and brunette, as the mummy repeatedly tries to finish off the fair-haired archaeologist (Annabelle Wallis) who stands between her and her “chosen one” (that, of course, is Cruise, playing military reconnaissance man/remorseless looter/would-be God of Death, Nick Morton).

None of what this mummy is up to is terribly maternal, but stereotypes, like a lot of things in this movie, get smashed everyday.

Director Alex Kurtzman’s take on the story will likely leave you with a lot of questions (Kurtzman is the writer behind Star Trek and Star Trek Into Darkness). Like: Would the US really call in an airstrike to save two American looters? What is the evolutionary purpose of having two sets of pupils in each eyeball? Is Tom Cruise the new Sad Keanu? Sorry, what are the Crusaders doing here again? And finally, why are all these Egyptian artifacts buried in Mesopotamia? (That last one actually gets answered.)

But like the protagonists in The Mummy, who persevere past the three separate biblical-style plagues (spiders, crows, and sand), survive an epic plane crash, and battle countless hordes of reanimated corpses all so that they can have their ultimate face off with ancient evil incarnate, moviegoers who make it through the film will also be rewarded: they’ll be equipped with a backstory when the sequel, threequel, and so on are eventually released. The story’s ending has a very “to be continued” vibe.

The Mummy also stars Jake Johnson, Courtney B. Vance, and Russell Crowe as Dr. Henry Jekyll (yep, that one). It’s in theatres June 9. Check out the trailer below: