Evans, Hemsworth, Pine, Or Pratt: Which Chris Reigned Supreme In 2018?
Another year, another Chris to crown. By now, we’re well aware of the fact that there are four handsome Chrises dominating Hollywood and running amok with our fragile emotions. 2018 took a toll on everyone, but Pratt, Evans, Hemsworth, and Pine really held things down, with three of the four starring in one of the biggest films of the year and the other spending quality time with Gal Gadot. So there are no real losers here.
Still, only one famous Chris can be called the Chris of 2018, and we have this Chris-quation down to a science. In addition to box-office earnings we’ll be analyzing several other factors, including critical reception, general life choices, meme-ability, and social media presence. Scoring is simple: Each Chris will receive a score in each category, ranging from highest (400) to lowest (100).
Now, let’s get down to business.
PRATT (400): What do three of the four handsome Chrises have in common? They all starred in the second highest-grossing film of 2018, Avengers: Infinity War. The Marvel film made a mighty haul of $679 million at the domestic box office—and grossed over $2 billion, with a “b,” worldwide—to become the most successful Avengers film to date. But if you’re Hollywood’s billion-dollar everyman like Pratt, you don’t rest on your laurels. The actor proved he still has the magic touch when Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom made $417 million domestically, despite less-than-stellar reviews. No wonder his agent was able to negotiate the most distinctive credit on the stacked Infinity War billing; he’s truly earned it (it’s almost like Passengers never happened. Almost).
HEMSWORTH (300): The Aussie Chris was busy in 2018. Not only did he partake in the box office-smashing superhero shenanigans of Infinity War—where he filmed an extended scene with another Chris, bringing us one step closer to the Chris Singularity—but he also had two other films in theatres: 12 Strong ($45 million) and Bad Times at the El Royale ($18 million). That’s not the kind of money you’d think one of the faces of Marvel could rake in. Then again, it just took too long for Hollywood to realize that Hemsworth is actually the Funny Chris.
EVANS (200): It must be nice to do one film a year, make a ton of money at the box office, and then throw yourself into a Kenneth Lonergan play on Broadway. Such is the life of Chris Evans, a Chris who’s so thoroughly over the Marvel Cinematic Universe that he’s said it multiple times and we refuse to believe him. In addition to the Hulk-sized haul of Infinity War, Lobby Hero made roughly $5 million at the Broadway box office—thanks in part to a bunch of tourists who couldn’t wait to see Captain America rock a pornstache in the flesh.
PINE (100): Unfortunately for the only Chris who wasn’t invited to the Avengers party, his one major release this year—Ava DuVernay’s A Wrinkle in Time—failed to connect with critics and audiences. It only grossed $100 million domestically, which is a disappointment for a powerhouse like Disney—and Oprah. Pine also starred in the gritty Scottish tale Outlaw King on Netflix, but since the streaming platform doesn’t release its viewership data, that’s a moot point.
EVANS (400): With Lobby Hero, Evans proved that he wasn’t going to let himself be boxed in by Hollywood. The hunky actor transformed his look and took on the emotional toll of playing the smarmy antagonist in Lonergan’s weary milieu, signalling a commitment to washing himself clean of his superhero image. The New York Times called his performance a “terrific Broadway debut,” ‘stache be damned.
PINE (300): A Wrinkle in Time may not have garnered a lot of favourable reviews, but the film showcased Pine’s versatility and emotional depth. There’s a vulnerability to Pine that shines through in every performance, and it makes him an equally gracious scene partner. For example, the father-daughter moments between him and young actress Storm Reid were genuinely moving, and that’s because Pine knows not to take up too much space. He never let you forget that it was Meg’s story to tell.
HEMSWORTH (200): Infinity War gave Hemsworth another opportunity to flex his comedic chops, specifically in his onscreen confrontations with Pratt’s Star-Lord and the rest of the crew aboard the Benatar. In Bad Times at the El Royale, Hemsworth fully committed to the role of a wickedly charismatic cult leader, but even his memorable shirtless performance couldn’t save the film from being a total mess. And does anyone really remember 12 Strong, a slog about a group of U.S. Special Forces on a covert mission in Afghanistan?
PRATT (100): Pratt is an unfairly funny guy (he really is!). But he occasionally acts on Autopilot. There’s nothing wrong with that, per se. It will still get him laughs and make him a box-office draw. But there’s nothing exciting about it either. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom was fine. However, it was lacking the spark that made his performance in the first one so exhilarating (and memeable). It’s the same spark that led to years of Indiana Jones rumours and fan castings. He’s funny, charming, and extremely diligent—but would it kill him to be less predictable? Honestly, he’s a Hufflepuff, and we just have to accept it.
GENERAL LIFE CHOICES:
PINE (400): Pine is the only Chris smart enough to not be on social media. Pine is the only Chris to have appeared full-frontal in a film this year—a Netflix film that viewers can pause and screenshot for all eternity—rendering his terrible Scottish accent in said film totally excusable. Pine is the only Chris who can show off his bare ankles and not look like a tool. All of this good karma has already turned into real results: Pine started dating The Mummy‘s Annabelle Wallis in March 2018.
HEMSWORTH (300): Hemsworth is always vacationing with his gorgeous wife Elsa Pataky and their adorable children, even when it means spending an extended period of time with his good friend Matt Damon. And when he wasn’t hitting the surf and sand, he was filming MIB, a Men In Black spin-off, with Tessa Thompson. Tessa! Thompson!
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EVANS (200): In March 2018, Evans confirmed that he and his on-again/off-again girlfriend Jenny Slate had called it quits—again. This means that the Boston actor and his “golden-coloured heart” are back on the market. But these days, Evans seems content with only his dog/best friend Dodger by his side. This is also the man who admitted that the Dumbo trailer made him cry (same). We love a guy who loves Disney and isn’t afraid of his emotions! It nearly makes up for the fact that the 37-year-old is still listening to Eminem.
I can’t even make it through these trailers. How am I gonna survive this movie? Hurry up, March. https://t.co/THn20QJHLK
— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) November 15, 2018
PRATT (100): After filing for divorce from estranged wife Anna Faris last year, Pratt began dating Katherine Schwarzenegger this past summer. Things got serious between them when they were spotted at church together with Pratt’s five-year-old son, Jack. A church date is perfect for Pratt, a proud Christian, but it does make me wonder if the pair have done any of the actor’s other favourite activities together, like erecting crucifixes, fishing, and hunting for sport, and where those pastimes fall on his nine rules for living a long, happy life.
EVANS (400): Who can forget when the ‘stache made its formal debut in the pages of The New York Times? The internet will never forget. This was also the year that Evans meme’d himself, which is admirable.
PRATT (300): Star-Lord is a walking meme, so of course the release of Infinity War would inspire a barrage of new content. Most of them were directed at the fact that Star-Lord is kinda-sorta at fault for the disappearance of half of all living creators in the universe. Oops.
PINE (200): When photos of Pine on the set of Wonder Woman 1984 hit social media earlier this year—spoiler alert: Steve Trevor is coming back, baby!—everyone rightfully freaked out. But it wasn’t just Steve’s return that had people so excited; it was his rad ’80s wardrobe, complete with a glorious fanny pack. Imagine surviving the events of World War I only to end up in the 1980s wearing a track suit and a fanny pack. Wild!
HEMSWORTH (100): I think about this scene from the El Royale trailer a lot.
SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE:
EVANS (400): By far the most active Chris on social media, Evans mainly tweets about four things: politics, space, his super cute rescue dog (just try not to tear up watching this video of their first meeting), and Boston sports. And there’s the occasional Avengers tweet that’s bound to get film Twitter and Marvel fans in a tizzy. But it’s the Nazi-busting, Trump-tagging Chris who we all love and admire. If 2017 was the birth of Woke Chris, then 2018 was his Give-Zero-Fucks era. He called out Kanye, put Fox News on blast, live-tweeted Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and begged his followers to vote. He really is a real-life Captain America.
And here’s Dodger:
The longer I stare at this the better it gets pic.twitter.com/LR00NuAwOv
— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) October 21, 2018
HEMSWORTH (300): Two words: workout videos. Hemsworth is the most curated Chris of the bunch. You see only what he wants you to see, and that includes videos of him working out, photos of his picture-perfect family, and selfies with King T’Challa himself, Chadwick Boseman. This was also the year Hemsworth and his kids danced along to Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball” and posted the entire thing on Instagram.
PRATT (200): When Pratt’s in promo mode, he’s fully ON, posting red carpet pics and behind-the-scenes videos from his global travels with steady aplomb. When he doesn’t have anything to promote, his accounts are decidedly more chill—and incredibly positive. Pratt loves to retweet a heartwarming story and use a good trending hashtag. Not to mention, he’s an underrated film critic. Though he’s the only Chris who earnestly uses Facebook, which is an obvious red flag.
PINE (100): A self-proclaimed Luddite who traded in his smart phone for a flip phone because being connected 24/7 made him anxious, Pine isn’t on social media. And maybe that makes him the smartest Chris of them all. How nice it must be to not be inundated with breaking news alerts every 10 minutes.
Chris Evans is the Chris of 2018. Why? Maybe it has something to do with his unbridled passion for things like Disney movies and NASA. Or the way he stands up for what he believes in—democracy, equality, freedom of the press, and basic human decency, to name a few. But to be honest, it’s the tap dancing. Because when you feel like you’re losing control, all it takes is a nice guy with a dog and an affinity for musicals and Rihanna to make you feel whole again.